The land is of those who work it:Animal farm victory
When we
got to the farm we talked to some animals that were kind and told us what
happened and how they felt about their victory; one of them was Old Benjamin, he told us that he
was really happy about
their victory but he was way too tired to keep talking to us so
he left We also talked with one of the most important animals that made
this battle successfully for
the animals, it was Snow Ball, he told us that he was so proud of all the
animals that helped to accomplish this important victory
for animal farm and that it worked because of how well organized they
were and how much effort they put in building this plan
After
talking with this brave animals we called General Wolfe,
he has been active in war for the last
15 year and we wanted to know what an expert thought about
the plan that the animals create to defend their
land. We asked him why did their plan worked and his
words were “Animals will always work together they
are always going to be there foreach other not
like humans with use greed and power always overcome, the reason why I think
this plan worked is because it was well prepared they
new exactly how
their enemies were
going to act and that’s what gave them victory”
The way that the reading was split up was interesting and the uses of choral speaking were effective.
ResponderEliminarThere was not enough collaborative preparation, however, and the many mistakes with pronunciation could easily have been avoided with more practice and support within the group.
This is a good introduction to your favourite character and also the main premise of the story. You include some good insights into the meaning of his speech and its implications for the whole animal community. You may want to go further and consider the wider message that the author is trying to convey to the reader.
ResponderEliminarLanguage note: your writing is really improving in accuracy, well done. Keep referring to the work we did on punctuation and types of sentences and always check that each clause is clearly marked.
Firstly - a note on blogging: you appear to be replacing all your previous content with your latest work. This is a shame as you are losing a record of your progress through the course! See me or Mr Knudson if you are not sure how to post new entries without erasing older ones.
ResponderEliminarOn your analysis post there is some good work. Your analysis of the two quotes is clear and eloquent and gets to the point of the purpose of the rhetorical device.
However, there are also a number of problems. Your work seems hasty and contains a large number of careless errors with spelling, word types (i.e. using the noun 'rhetoric' instead of the adjective 'rhetorical' to describe the questions) and muddled word order in your sentences. Your introduction does not focus clearly on the question, and there is no conclusion.
Improve these points next time and you will be starting to write very comprehensive work.
Firstly: you MUST resolve this issue of posting over your previous work. You now lack a record of a significant proportion of the term's work.
ResponderEliminarNow for your feedback: Your article has good shape and a nice sense of journalistic style. The font changes at the start of each paragraph are a nice touch.
Your bias towards the animals is clear from an effect headline and sympathetic reporting style. You could have made more use of propaganda devices and rhetoric to exert greater influence over your readers. You also needed to create a caption for your image, which should have been at the top of your article.
Your choice of eyewitness and your 'expert opinion' are both creative and accurate, well done. The end is too abrupt.
Language notes: There are still too many careless word choice and syntax errors. Double check your work before you post it.
Your analysis of Napoleon's use of his power to control the animals is missing. Please ensure you post it as soon as possible as a missing assignment will affect your grade for the term.
ResponderEliminar